The Red Coin Caper
by Sonowa
Summary: After another defeat at the hands of Mario, Bowser steals the Red Coins from the paintings in Peach's Castle. It's up to Mario to retrieve the coins and get the stars from them. Or at least that's what an instruction booklet would say...
1. The Plan Makes Sense

**Notice: For the record, I do NOT own, Mario, Luigi, Nintendo, or any place, character, or item mentioned below in this story. I'm just a writer.**

The Red Coin Caper

Bowser was frustrated.

Then again, Bowser was frustrated most of the time in the dark fortress at the end of Dark Land. Time after time, he tried to send out his Koopas and children to capture a couple other lands, maybe a castle, and yet he was always stopped.

By PLUMBERS, for Goomba's sake!

The King of the Koopas sat on his throne, shortly after another frustrating defeat at the hands of the red-capped hero, Mario. He had hammers, fireballs, an endless array of bowling balls, a wand made of emotion, a rod of invincibility-giving power, and his weight…

…But he forgot the stupid axe at the end of the castle.

"A problem, milord?"

Bowser looked up for a second to see Kamek standing ahead of him. Bowser disliked Kamek. He was the "ever-faithful servant of his master Bowser the great, lord of evil, bla bla!" Can't a Koopa get a little relaxation sometimes?

Apparently not.

"What do you want, Kamek?" Bowser managed to grumble out before clawing away at his stainless steel throne, built to stop anger attacks such as now.

"It's come to my attention that the Goombas are being eaten by the Piranha Plants… again. Should I send the Koopatrols out, or should we classify this under "injuries" and give the plants a free lunch?"

Bowser had no time to deal with his slaves, no matter how much a tyrant he was. "Oh, flip a Red Coin, why don't ya!" was all he could roar.

"Um, milord? Red Coins are very rare nowadays since the whole "put the stars in paintings" ordeal. The one where you told Mario to 'keep his control stick spinning?'"

Bowser cocked an eyebrow.

"What does that have to do with anything?"

"Milord, when one collects eight Red Coins, one of the captured Power Stars reappeared. You know, over those strange, star-shaped silhouettes randomly located in those paintings."

When finished, Kamek backed away a bit. Bowser had an evil grin on his face; the one he had whenever he got one of his plans to steal something and capture the princess.

"Kamek, get the Magikoopas and the Mechakoopas. You'll be taking Roy's doomship. I need you to go into those paintings and steal any red coins that you can possibly find. I'll capture the princess and store her somewhere where even the great Mario can't save her!"

Kamek, sighed, but had to follow his duty.

"The plan will launch immediately, at seven o'clock in the morning, milord. Plan on getting some rest while you're at it. It'll be a difficult trip."

0000

"Mail call!"

Mario awoke at the sound of the familiar voice. Heavy bags still under his eyes, he slowly changed into his trademark overalls and headed outside for the mail.

With a wave to the friendly Paratroopa, Mario walked back into the house. Luigi had left on business to Sarasaland for prevention of future invasions from Tatanga, so the house was his for a while.

Mario looked in his small refridgerator, and took out a Shroom Shake. After whipping up a mediocre Boiled Egg for his breakfast, Mario began to read the letter.

_Dear Pesky Plumbers,_

Mario raised an eyebrow. The last time Bowser called Mario and Luigi "pesky plumbers" was when Bowser tried to rule the world of hotel business.

_Once again I have captured Princess Toadstool, and this time, I'm sure there is nothing you can do to stop me! But if you DO want her back, you must play our little game._

_I require only fifteen stars, although very specific stars. Report to the castle of the Princess to find out more abot our little wager._

_Hugs and fireballs,_

_Bowser, King of the Koopas_

Mario heaved a sigh. What could Bowser want now?

Mario began on the path to the castle, all the while hitting a few blocks along the way. Pocketing various coins, leaves, and Starmen, Mario jumped over the massive green hill.

Peach's castle stood there, proud and strong, although now captured by Bowser.

Mario paced to the castle front door, noticing a surprising lack of the natural purple butterflies that flew around the gardens. The door was surprisingly unlocked, so Mario entered.

"Here's the rules, Red!"

Mario flinched a bit, but realized that it was the booming voice of Bowser that was talking.

"Enter the 15 worlds in these paintings and find me the fifteen stars involved by the collection of Red Coins. I'll be watching your progress, so don't even THINK about cheating me on this one! I wish you bad luck!"

Bowser's speech ended, Mario smirked a bit.

"Let's-a go!"


	2. The Plan Goes Insane

**Nope. Still don't own Mario, or anything that is clearly owned by Nintendo in this chapter.**

Once again "captured" by the scaly king of the Koopas, Princess Peach Toadstool sat in the abandoned, dinky fortress where Bowser and Kamek set up their base for this mission. Using a series of Goonie-operated cameras to keep an eye out and taunt Mario as he traveled throughout the portraits.

"You do realize this will never work, correct?"

Bowser turned to the blond piece of royalty. "Well, DUH, princess! You honestly think I'd send Red on such a simple mission without a scam?

"I've STOLEN every single Red Coin in that castle! Mario's on a wild goose chase for it, and he'll never catch 'em!"

The princess rolled her eyes in reply. "Bowser, how many times have you called your plans 'perfect?'"

Bowser stood, frozen in thought, counting on his orange claws of fingers. When the deed was done…

"Roughly seventeen-thousand, four-hundred and ninety-two times."

Kamek uttered a few words regarding "stupid dinosaurs," "bottled water," and "clockwork Bob-Ombs."

One of the cameras acted up. Mario stood outside of the painting of a large castle; Whomp's Fortress. He took off his hat, rubbed a bead of sweat off, and pulled out no star.

"Mamma-mia…"

Bowser turned to the princess.

"Excuse me for a moment."

Turning on a large, overcomplicated recording mechanism, Bowser began to speak.

"You're done for now, Red! I've taken every one of those coins that you're looking for! You'll never see the princess again since you'll never complete this journey!"

Mario sighed, and left the castle via the door.

Bowser raised an eyebrow. "Man… I didn't want to wound him THAT badly. He still needs a fighting chance. That's why I made myself completely vulnerable when I fought the man in space."

Bowser would've continued his lecture to himself, if it had not been for an odd noise to appear outside of the fortress.

"I'M-A LUIGI, NUMBER-A ONE!"

The man in green landed on Kamek's head, making the elderly Magikoopa pass out in confusion and having a 35-year-old land on his noggin.

"What the Underwhere are you doing here, Green? I just finished taunting your brother! I'm too busy feeling guilty! How'd you even find me… wait."

Bowser turned to the passed out Magikoopa. After slapping him across the face a few times, he awoke.

"Kamek! Where did you put this fortress?!" Bowser demanded, holding a razor-sharp claw next to the wizard's head.

"Um… I believe we put this in the haunts of one of Mario's old villain's haunts, milord. This is world 4-3; the castle of Tatanga in the heart of Sarasaland."

Bowser dropped his jaw in amazement at just how much his guide messed up. Sarasaland was the home of Princess Daisy.

Daisy was Luigi's girlfriend.

Where there was Daisy, there was Luigi.

"Um, hello! Damsel in distress over here!" the princess called out to the green-clad semihero.

Luigi stood still, muttering out random words. "JUMP! HIGH! HAMMER!"

After a while, Luigi finally yelled out "FIRE!" Luigi nonchalantly tossed a green fireball in the general direction of Peach's ropes.

"AAAAH! NOT ON ME, PSYCHO!"

Luigi, having just set the princess aflame, ran to the nearest airport, to get far, far away from the princess.

With a wave of his wand, Kamek destroyed the flames and cut the ropes.

"Milord… what do we do now?"

Bowser, having been asleep for the duration of the previous events after waking Kamek, stared, half-asleep, at the "rescued" princess. A wide grin then appeared on his face.

"Oh, I know what we'll be doing…"

The princess, the same wretched grin on her face, reached for a tube of lipstick she kept for all-purpose reasons in her dress pocket.

0000

Mario, having been defeated by Bowser's fake schemes, sat alone in the pad of his, munching away on Maple Shrooms and Honey Ultras.

He couldn't believe it. Bowser bested him, and the princess was off doing who knows what kind of torture for the Koopa King. He would be the laughing stock of the Mushroom Kingdom at his rate.

The door slammed open, and Luigi ran inside, gasping for air after running from the Mushroom Kingdom Airport.

"O-do-o-da-bay-to?" Mario asked his brother in unintelligible speech.

"O-mo-ba-do, o-ma-do-se-ba-ro." Luigi responded, shaking his head at his foolishness.

"BABIES!" was the only response Mario could give, shocked as he was. Luigi responded the same.

Outside, two Goombas sat, gnawing away on whatever herbs they could get their non-existent hands on.

"Any idea what they're saying?" the first one asked, a bit of herb showing on his fangs.

"I'm pretty sure they're trying asexual reproduction," the second one replied, shaking his head-body sadly.

0000

"THIS GAME'S WINNER IS… PEACH!"

Bowser and Peach sat at the edge of the King's throne room, fingers flailing on Gamecube controllers.

"Ha, I win again!" Bowser cheered, his controller flying out of his hands. "You laughed at me for picking the girl, but now I've won!"

Peach grumbled angrily, and hit more buttons. "It's not MY fault that Bowser is so weak. Your down-B gave me a TKO, for Goomba's sake!"

Bowser stuck out his tongue at Peach. "You ready for another round? I call Wolf!"

Peach sighed as the menu screen showed again. "This is the worst torture that I've EVER received."


End file.
